I'm Sorry
by nobody suspicious
Summary: Bella Baggins has returned from her journey after being banished by her love Thorin. She reflects briefly on their relationship. What happens when the company show up at her home again, with one Thorin Oakenshield in tow. Will he be forgiven, will all end happily? Fem!Bilbo. I'm really bad at summaries so take a look please!


AN/ just a disclaimer i don't own any of the hobbit or the song at the end. hope you all like :)

* * *

Bella was home. Well what used to be home. The Shire with its green rolling hills, tall trees, and gentle atmosphere with houses hidden away under hills. Except to Bella these hills didn't hold the same comfort and homely feel to her anymore. Sure it was wonderful to return here, especially alive and in one piece which was more than she would have believed a year ago when she left with 13 dwarves and a mysterious wizard. She had dreamed of The Shire most nights, wondering if it would be the same when she returned...if she returned. Setting off to steal from a dragon did not seem like something one would accomplish and live to tell the tale so returning to The Shire for Bella really was a surprise. However here she was, home again, feeling relieved, happy and glad to be back to her simple life where the biggest danger was being crushed by a crowd of hobbits desperately trying to purchase some of Primrose Took's strawberry tarts, the best in all of Hobbiton, before they had ran out. At least that was what in her dreams she had predicted to feel. Except one thing changed that...one person had changed that. Thorin Oakenshield, rightful King under the mountain, ruler of Erobor, great dwarf leader who led a brave company to the lonely mountain and ended Smaug's reign over the dwarven kingdom...and the dwarf who had stolen her heart.

She hadn't intended to fall in love with him. But she supposed no one ever really plans on falling in love. But for her it really had been unexpected. They had a rough start, he doubted her abilities and questioned the fact she stayed with company from the beginning. He didn't trust her like he did the others and so was rude, snappy and harsh towards her, putting her down at every opportunity, yet still she had stayed with them, determined to prove herself. The turning point had come after they escaped Goblintown. Not only had she come back to the company and again promised to help them, she had saved Thorin from Azog's orc pack despite having no training, no warrior like skills or character. Still she had done it, wielding nothing more than her tiny sword which was more like a letter opener than a weapon you would expect a great warrior to wield. For this Thorin began to see her in a new light, allowing their relationship to grow into friendship. The trust created had solidified a strong bond between the two. It was during the company's stay in Mirkwood when each of them started to realize that perhaps their friendship was a little more than that. He developed a need to know that she was safe and protect her at all costs. When the spiders had attacked, Thorin was consumed by fear, not form those creature but a fear of the unknown, he couldn't see Bella and that had terrified him more than anything before. Whilst locked away in the cells, Bella feared for Thorin, she had no idea where he was, had the elves been feeding him? Would they torture him? Why was he being held away from the others? The solitude and isolation had given her time to reflect. That was the moment she realized she was falling in love with the dwarf king.

Following their escape, these revelations had resulted in slight changes between them. Longing stares over the fire when no one was looking. Moving their bedrolls closer together. Secret smiles while walking as they thought of the other. Touches that last longer than just friends would have.

All this desperation and longing came to a climax that fateful night in Laketown. One of the Master's slimy advisers, an odious man by the name of Alfrid, had flirted, if one could call it that, predatory looks and sickening compliments would be more accurate, with Bella. His refusal to take her polite rejections or ignore them and her gradually less subtle hints to leave her be had resulted in a seriously jealous king under the mountain to drag her away from the sleaze. There in a heated argument fuelled by tension, jealous and a deep longing the truth had escaped their lips.

* * *

*flashback*

Thorin pushed her into a secluded room in the Master's house. His face clearly displayed his current anger that he was urgently trying to contain or at least control.

"What in Mahal's name do you think you were doing?! " Thorin roared. So much for containing his temper. "Behaving like that with him?"

"WHAT?!" Bella replied immediately, outrage dripping into her voice, "What was I doing Thorin?! I was being polite, I wasn't roughly dragging people about or glaring daggers at them. Besides it's not like I could just walk away from him, he serves our host!"

"Oh sure that's what you were doing, because to me it looked like you were flirting. Acting like some common whore, draping over him whilst he practically stripped you naked with his eyes!" Thorin spat back at her, his anger far too strong to even attempt to control or think about any words spilling from his mouth. Bella looked like she had been punched. However with jealousy feeding his rage he missed this and continued "Polite my arse, really you-"

Before he could finish Bella slapped him. At this moment she didn't care that he was a king or leader of their company. Her blood boiling she shouted "HOW DARE YOU!"

Thorin blinked in shock.

"HOW BLOODY DARE YOU THORIN OAKENSHIELD!" Bella bellowed. "IS THIS WHAT YOU THINK OF ME?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, BUT HOW WRONG WAS I EH?" she took a deep breath desperately trying to reign in her fury. Her word dripping with venom she carried on, "A friend would not believe such things let alone say them. A friend would have recognized I was trying to get away from him without insulting our host, whom we need to keep happy or else he'd refuse to help us! Did you ever think of that heh Thorin, our all great and knowing leader" Bella's final words laced with sarcasm as Thorin stood there staring at her, comprehending how wrongly he had misread the situation and how badly he had reacted.

Bella stood there, her body shaking with rage, gasping for air to calm herself as tears that escaped ran down her face.

After a few tense moments Thorin whispered "I'm sorry Bella". She didn't even look at him. "Forgive me. I overreacted and was blind, I did not see the truth. I did not mean any of what I just said."

A few moments later Bella looked up and saw the regret in Thorin's eyes.

"Why" Bella had said it so quietly she was surprised Thorin even heard her.

"Pardon?" he looked at her in confusion "why what?"

" You said you were blind, why? What caused you to misunderstand the situation?" Bella wasn't going to ask but now she wanted to know. She _needed_ to know. She wasn't oblivious, she had picked up on certain things that could have hinted that Thorin liked her that way but had been too keen to avoid having a false hope she paid them no mind but now, she needed to know. They were going to face a dragon soon and potentially die. Determined to get an answer whether she liked it or not Bella stared into Thorin's eyes, imploring, no pleading with him to answer her honestly.

Recognizing that he had no way of escaping this conversation, Thorin took a deep breath preparing himself. Bella had opened her lips to repeat the question when he began

"Because" He sighed. " Because he is so unworthy of you. You are so special Bella and yet you don't even see half of how great you are. Your very presence lifts everybody's spirits, you instill hope into all of us. You never lose faith. You are determined, strong, brave, courageous, beautiful, hell those words don't even do you justice. The word perfect is even to poor a descriptor for you. You are just so much more than all of us. No one would even be close to good enough for you and to see him flirt and try to grope you was sickening. As if he, of all of middle earth, was worthy of you. It just enraged me."

Bella watched at Thorin, her jaw slacked and eyes wide. She wasn't even sure if she was breathing.

"Bella, please…I beg you, I know I am undeserving and have nothing to offer you. I have yelled at you, doubted you, fought with you. But _please_ … try me, take a chance on me, one opportunity is all I ask, I _need_ you. I can't stand it anymore. It's like I can't breathe. I am so in love with you, I don't know what to do-"

Thorin's next words were cut off by lips covering his. _Bella's_ lips. The feeling was indescribable. He was floating. He could happily have died right there, forget Erobor, forget Smaug, forget everything. The only thing he could focus on was her. Her lips. Her hands on his cheeks. Her soft moans as he kissed back. The feel of her waist under his fingers.

When they finally broke apart, Bella looked up at him.

"I love you too Thorin, always have, alwa-". Thorin interrupted her declaration with his mouth.

*end of flashback*

* * *

The rest of that night was full of kisses, sweet murmurings and loving declarations. It had been one of the best night of Bella's life. The love they shared only grew more and more as time passed. After reclaiming the mountain from Smaug, Bella concluded that her home was no longer Bag-End or The Shire, nor was it Erobor, as Fili and Kili had guessed after she informed them that she would not be returning to The Shire. Her home was Thorin, wherever he was. It was the same for him, it didn't matter where they were as long as they were together. The realization of this led to more than one celebration the night Smaug died.

* * *

*flashback*

The company had gathered in one of the many kitchens in Erobor. Ale was being spread amongst the dwarves in celebration. Bofur, Bifur and Oin were playing merry songs with their instruments as Fili and Kili danced cheerfully about the room, dragging along other members of the company, some more happily than others. Dwalin certainly was not pleased about being hauled around to dance, the growl being sufficient in preventing the sons of Durin from trying to make him dance a second time, but even he could not keep the smile off of his face at reclaiming their home.

In all the excitement none of the company had noticed Thorin and Bella slip away to a more private setting. He had been meaning to do this for a while but there was never an appropriate opportunity.

"Marry me" he mumbled against her lips as his fingers weaved through her hair and around the intricate braid he had given her in Laketown. Bella froze, eyes wide open in disbelief.

"What?" she asked, pulling away from him. Had he really just said that?

"Marry me" he repeated a bit louder. " I can't be without you, marry me. Be my wife. Let me love you forever more. You're my One Bella, you are it for me, you are my everything, my world. So marry me"

The beaming smile that overtook Bella's face was blinding

"YES, of course" she said excitedly, throwing herself at Thorin once again.

*end of flashback*

* * *

That was when everything changed. It was to be the last true moment of happiness Bella would enjoy in Erobor. Something happened to Thorin. He had begun to change before they even entered the mountain but it was such small things that Bella just attributed it to his joy at finally being home again and dismissed it. However as the days passed, Thorin spiraled from bad to worse. He would become so cold and distant at times. He'd spend hours in the treasure room, admiring all the gems and jewels. Sometimes he would look at her but not truly see her like he once did. The tender touches and loving glances faded more and more until Thorin was no longer himself. The arrival of the citizens from Laketown only aggravated the situation. This was not her Thorin. Her Thorin would not threaten the lives of his company in a battle that would definitely kill them. Her Thorin would not have broken his word to the men of Laketown. This Thorin was cold and dark. This Thorin had been consumed by gold sickness. So Bella did what she had to do. She passed the Arkenstone over as a bargaining chip in hopes it would make him see reason.

When Thorin found out it was her who handed it over, she knew that her Thorin was gone. Her Thorin would not have seized her throat tightening his gripped whilst he dangled her over the wall. If not for Gandalf, Bella would be dead. No maybe about it. Her Thorin was not in there to save her anymore. The only thing worse than the banishment and pitying/guilty stares of the company was Thorin's dismissal of her. He didn't even look back at her as she scrambled down the rope. To him, she wasn't worth a second glance. That was the moment her heart broke, shattered into irreparable pieces. She didn't feel anything anymore apart from hurt and pain.

Even during the battle, fear never entered Bella's body, the pain in her heart was too heavy to let anything else in. she couldn't stay like this. She had to go back to The Shire. Staying here, being this close to him without being with him was killing her. However she could not leave without saying good bye. Walking to the medical tents that had been set up after the battle Bella took a deep breath and prepared herself. Slowly passing the guards and pulling the flap of the door aside she entered. There lay three dwarf bodies, deep asleep, the only sign of life the small rise and fall of their chests. First she moved to stand between Fili and Kili's beds grabbing a hand of each. Both had suffered several cuts and bruises. An arrow had invaded Fili's shoulder shoving his head into a boulder during the battle rendering him unconscious. Oin had said he'd be fine after some rest and he'd be awake in a few days and free to go provided the wound to his shoulder did not become infected. Kili on the other hand had suffered a deep cut across his stomach when protecting his brothers unconscious form. It had been a close call after all the blood he had lost and if it had not been for Oin and the elves King Thranduil had brought with him, Kili would not be here. He would have a scar and several tough months ahead of him but he too was expected to recover like Fili.

"Hello boys" Bella said softly, "really Kili you couldn't let yourself be outdone by Fili heh? You just had to get a battle scar" Bella said trying to inject a little bit of teasing to the situation as they would have had they been awake.

"You would have laughed at that…both of you." She noted sadly, "I came here to say goodbye, I am leaving soon and you two still haven't woken up yet, really how much beauty sleep do you guys need?" she smiled slightly at that. Fili used to say she didn't really need beauty sleep so she had no excuse to grumble and complain when he woke her during the journey. "I won't forget you two, how could I? you were the kindest, friendliest and most handsome dwarfs in the company, mind you that's not saying much all your competition was over 100 years old except for sweet little Ori" she sighed before continuing "I am going to miss you two so much when I am gone. But if you could do one thing for me please, just one, live your lives, live them to the fullest, don't be afraid or worried. Have fun; grow up, but not too much. And when you find your Ones, which I have no doubts you two will, cherish them. Marry them, be happy, grow old together and I expect you to be surrounded by children and have a real big family to love you as you deserve. I want you two to have amazing lives that others could only dream of having. So please do that just for me". Wiping a tear away she arose, taking one last glace at the sleeping brothers before she moved to the other side of the tent…where Thorin lay. She sat beside him and tentatively took his hand, raised it to her lips to press a light kiss upon them.

"oh Thorin" she breathed. He had been the worst of them all. Azog had stabbed him in the chest. Yet by some miracle he was still alive…barely. Bofur joked saying it was the stubbornness of dwarves that kept him here. "I have so much I wish to say to you. Firstly I am sorry. I know you feel betrayed by my actions but I saw no other way to help you. You were getting worse each day and it was the only thing I could think of to prevent a fight. Fat load of good that did eh?" Bella took a couple breaths before saying, "I know you hate me now. How could you not. I broke your trust and betrayed you. The woman who was supposed to love you and marry you gave away your most precious stone. But Thorin…I can't say I wouldn't do it again because that's not true. If it would save your life I will always do it. I would rather you are alive and hate me until your last breath than you being killed. I will always choose you Thorin." Sniffling, she wiped away more tears. "The thing is Thorin…I love you. That's all there is to it. I love you and am too selfish to be without you. So I did what I did to ensure you would live because I am too selfish to let you die. Even though I won't be at your side, knowing you are alive and well somewhere in middle earth gives me comfort. I know you banished me, so don't worry I'll be long gone before you wake up. I won't be troubling you anymore. I just had to say goodbye my love.", not bothering anymore to hide her tears she leaned over Thorin and placed a kiss on his forehead. Her lips lingered a while before she walked out of the tent. Taking deep calming breaths she collected herself. After all she still had to say farewell to the rest of the company.

She spotted Balin near the gates and called his name. Turning he gave her a small smile, "so you're really going then?" he asked

"Yes I am, Gandalf has kindly offered to escort me all the way the borders of The Shire with a perhaps a short stay at Rivendell" she replied trying and failing to inject some hope and happiness into her sad tone.

Giving a slight nod Balin softly inquired "are you sure you won't stay a while, at least until he awakens", Bella did not need to ask who he was talking off, " he'll want to see you lass".

Blinking to contain her tears Bella gently shook her head. "No I don't think so. You saw what happened. I believed its best if I slip away quietly now, will you tell the others I said goodbye?" Bella's voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

"You can tell 'em yourself", Balin replied.

Spinning around she saw the company gathered at the gate looking at her. Giving a smile she spoke,

"If any of you are ever passing Bag-End, tea is at 4." She stared at each of their faces to ingrain each one to her memory although there is no doubt she would never forget them. Her voice breaking as she tried to prevent her tears getting out, "Theres plenty of it. You are welcome anytime. Uh, don't bother knocking." She added trying to lighten the mood a little.

And that was the last she saw of them before journeying with Gandalf back to The Shire. Her "home". Over the months it took to return to Bag-End Bella resolved to get over Thorin. It was hard but eventually she got to a point where she could look upon her memories of them with happiness at the love they shared without crying quite so much.

* * *

*a little while after Bella returns to The Shire*

Life was slow and easy. Bella had never really noticed how isolate and quiet it was in The Shire before. Once she had returned and reclaimed her home of course, which was being sold off! Presumed dead indeed. Silly Hobbits, those Sack-ville Baggins were of course behind it, trying to make off with her silver, she had always been suspicious of them. But following the chaos of retrieving her possession her life slowed down and quietened again. It was almost like her great big adventure across middle earth never happened, of course there were reminders. For example the whispered voices of the other hobbits especially the old spinsters who spent all day gossiping about "adventures, nasty things", "that crazy Bella Baggins" and "Gandalf, disturber of the peace". But the keenest reminder was the pain in her heart. Granted it was not as severe as it once was but it was by no means gone. She felt it every day. Innocent things would make her think of Tho- _him_. What would he say about this? What would he have thought? Etc. But as the weeks passed the burden on her heart lessened.

Bella had had a busy day in the market; one benefit of going off on an adventure was that the crowds tended to part like the red sea in case they became infected by some sort of "adventure virus" like that is a real thing, which made shopping much more efficient. She had restocked her pantry filling it to the brim. It was just approaching 4 and Bella was humming to herself as she prepared her tea. A noise behind her made her swivel fast armed with whatever was to hand. What she hadn't expected was the grinning faces of Fili and Kili at her kitchen door.

"And just what were you going to do to armed with a ladle eh Bella?" Fili said with a mischievous smile and a teasing manner oozing from him. Whilst Bella open and closed her mouth repeated trying to find words and regain her composure Kili said,

"Honestly we travel all this way and all she can do is move her jaw like a fish."

That got her attention. Punching his arm she leapt across the room and gathered them both in a tight hug.

"what are you two doing here, oh I have just made tea, you are welcome to some too, bother where did I put those damn plates, I am not trusting you with my mother's, I mean look what happened last time! Oh, when did you two get here, um I have more than enough food, I just stocked my pantry today I did, I am so surprised to see you" Pulling them into a hug once more as she continued to ramble, "oh I've missed you two"

Laughing at her silly antics Fili responded "well I hope you have plenty of food we are all starving, Bombur wanted to stop and eat first but Bifur was so determined to see you he wouldn't let us!"

Kili continued, "yeah he looked at Bombur after he suggested we eat like he was the one with the axe in his forehead!"

Bella moved passed them to her hall saying "Bombur and Bifur are here!?" she asked elatedly. Upon arriving at the scene though her question was pointless. There stood the company tightly packed by her door as they had been all those months ago. With a smile Balin stepped forward, "You said not to bother knocking lass".

Laughing she looked at them all, a few beards had grown, wounds she remembered appeared to have healed and after blinking twice she noted that Ori had a courting braid in his hair, she would most definitely have to ask him about that later. Trying to shake that startling revelation from her mind she continued to take them all in.

"Oh I am so happy to see you all, how are you guys? Any news? How is Erobor? Come, come, tea is re-" Bella's happy exclaimations suddenly stopped having spotted a set of deep blue eyes standing at the back of the company. She was vaguely aware of Bofur directing the company to her dining room, but she didn't take any real notice. She was focused solely on him as he was looking at her. When the room cleared leaving just her and Thorin, all that could be heard were her shaky breaths.

"Bella" Thorin said softly, "I misse-"

"Excuse me your majesty, I must go" Bella interrupted him hurriedly, a tear spilling over her lashes as she turned and fled to her room shutting the door behind her.

Sobbing freely now she leaned against the back of the door. It was too much. She couldn't face him. She couldn't bear to see him look at her with such hate he no doubt had for her. So wrapped up in her own mind she didn't hear the heavy footsteps chase her.

"Bella", Thorin said through the door. "Please open the door"

"I can't, I'm sorry your maj-" Bella begun to reply the tears evident in her voice before Thorin interrupted her this time.

"Thorin" he said firmly, as if insulted by her use of his title. "You've always called me Thorin", he spoke more softly.

"That was before", Bella responded swallowing a sob, "you're king under the mountain now, Erobor is yours, I have no right to call you such anymore"

"No right?" Thorin repeated in astonishment, "No right, Bella you have every right to call me that"

A moment of slice passed between them. All that could be heard were Bella's broken breaths and the sound of Thorin's body sliding down the door to sit. Finally Bella quietly asked,

"What are you doing here Thorin?"

"I came to apologize and beg your forgiveness even though my actions were inexcusable. My sickness is no means justifies anything I said or did to you", as he said this Bella felt her fingers touch her throat where bruises in the shape of Thorin's fingers once lay. "Bella, I am so so sorry. If I could take it back I would. You have no idea how my actions have haunted me. I'll do anything you ask, just name it, anything. Please Bella. I am so sorry".

Bella was too stunned to reply at first. Until, "its o-okay Thorin" She stuttered, "I understand why you did it, I betrayed you. You have every right to hate me"

"You believe I hate you?" he asked through the door. His surprise presented clearly in his voice. "Bella, I could never hate you. I love you. That's why I came here. To tell you I am sorry and to let you know that whatever I said whilst under the gold sickness, I didn't mean any of it, the mean things I said, your banishment, my hateful words, none of it was true. I always loved you, I still love you" he said softly at the end, gently placing his hand on the door. "Bella I want, no I need you back. This life apart is destroying me. I can't stand it. Every morning I wake and look to find you but you're not there, when I hear some news I look around to call and tell you but then I remember you are no longer there, I sent you away, I did that. Me and I am so ashamed my love. I need you with me. So if I have to help you get back to Erobor or move to The Shire then I will. Bella you are the most important thing in the world to me and I will do whatever it takes. Please Bella, _please_ "

On the other side of the door, Bella sat. Silent tears running down her face she listened to Thorin. Her Thorin. The one she believed dead. Here he was. And he still wanted her! Oh how her heart leapt. But then a thought sent her crashing down from her bliss, what if he hurt her again. What if she lost him again, she couldn't survive that twice, hell she barely survived the first time. And then it happened.

" **I'll swim and sail on savage seas** ", he sang gently but the sound easily passing through the door,

" **with** **never a fear of drowning,**

 **And gladly ride the waves of life  
If you would marry me**" he was singing that song again. The first time had been that night he proposed in Erobor, after announcing to the rest of the company they had begun playing and dancing about that tiny kitchen as Thorin sang it, granted louder and happier than he was now. Still it caused Bella's heart to skip. A smile gracing her face. Thorin carried on

" **No scorching sun nor freezing cold  
Will stop me on my journey  
If you will promise me your heart**" by this point Thorin was beginning to lose hope that Bella would join in, or respond to him. " **And love** ". With a broken sign trying to contain his tears. This was it, he'd finally done it. He'd lost her. It was a long shot anyway, even he wouldn't have forgiven himself so why he thought Bella would was ridiculous but he had to try. As he stood, he turned to walk back to the company informing them that they would be leaving. Slowly the door opened and Bella timidly walked out and began to sing, **  
**" **And love me for eternity** ", at this a brilliant smile broke over Thorin's face. By Mahal he'd done it. He was not going to waste this chance. No he would not lose Bella again, he _couldn't_ , his body, heart and soul were not strong enough to lose her. Bella approached him and took the stance and started to walk in a circle around with him as the dance required. Her voice gradually getting louder, attracting the attention of the company who were of course "staying in the dining room" not listening at the door desperately trying to hear if their king had been forgiven and if his love would return to him. **  
**" **My dearest one, my darling dear  
Your mighty words astound me  
But I've no need for mighty deeds  
When I feel your arms around me**"

By this point the other dwarves began clapping and stomping their feet to create the music to accompany the words. But the two singers barely noticed this being solely entranced by one another, their smile, their voice, their eyes brightening up as they danced, the feel of the other's skin when they held hands.

" **But I would bring you rings of gold  
I'd even sing you poetry  
And I would keep you from all harm  
If you would stay beside me**

 **I have no use for rings of gold  
I care not for your poetry  
I only want your hand to hold**

 **I only want you near me**

 **To love and kiss to sweetly hold  
For the dancing and the dreaming  
Through all life's sorrows  
And delights  
I'll keep your love beside me  
I'll swim and sail a savage seas  
With never a fear of drowning  
I'd gladly ride the waves of life  
And you will marry me**".

That night had been where Bella and Thorin's life together began. They reaffirmed their love, promised never to leave each other ever again. As the both knew they needed each other. They were to return to Erobor, where they would live out the rest of their lives full of love and happiness.

* * *

AN/ Hope you liked it, this the first thing like this i have written and i'll admit it was a bit rushed. the song at the end is called "for the dancing and the dreaming" i borrowed it from How to Train Your Dragon 2, i don't own any of it or the characters from the hobbit. hope you enjoyed the story though :)


End file.
